The Never Ending Story

Hesitating a moment, I finally click “post” and watch as my final blog entry appears on the screen. Leaning back in the chair that has all but molded to my body, the tears begin to well up. Blinking them back, I check again the assignment list. Sure enough, each assignment is complete and crossed off. Again, the tears well up and I stubbornly blink them back again. Unable or unwilling to leave the computer desk still littered with worn spiral notebooks, marked up research articles and pictures of my students whose voices still echo within my mind, I begin scrolling through my blog entries. Tears again flow, spilling over my lids and slipping down my cheeks refusing to be held back. My mind slips back to the first day of class, sitting at the cold, hard lab tables listening to Shannon describe the seemingly unfathomable journey, insisting we will be researchers and reassuring us that we will walk out of here with a master’s degree. Staring down at the thick book filled with tiny print as her words wash over me, I could not bring myself to believe her words. Even that first night spent agonizing over the tiny print, trying to make sense of the first research article, I could not see two steps in front of me let alone the grandiose ending Shannon described.

Scrolling down through the blog entries, the journey that has taken me leagues from that first day unfolds before me. Pushing away from the dock proved to be the most difficult part of the journey. Finally cutting free of the line that tied me securely to the defining dimensions of land, I allowed myself to be caught up in the current, free to carve my own dimensions into the land. Having conquered the rapids, I’ve navigated the river and now hover at its mouth. Currently, the challenge awaiting me requires the courage to push away from the river and into the open sea. Waves of possibility, depths of understanding, new waters to chart all await a nudge away from the comfort of the river I once feared. Armed with confidence, knowledge, and experience I never imagined for myself to be possible, I refrain. For now, I fold my hands behind my head, leaning back and bask in the glory of my achievement, confident in the knowledge that, when the time is right, I will push myself forth into the open waters of possibility.

References
Brown, S. A. (2006). Investigating classroom discourse surrounding partner reading. Early Childhood Education Journal, 34(1), 29-36.

Chard, D. J., Stoolmiller, M., Harn, B. A., Wanzek, J., Vaughn, S., Linan-Thompson, S., et al. (2008). Predicting reading success in a multilevel schoolwide reading model: A retrospective analysis. Journal of Learning Disabilities, 41(2), 174-188.

Davis, P. (2007). Discourses about reading among seven- and eight-year-old children in classroom pedagogic cultures. Journal of Early Childhood Literacy, 7(2), 219-252.

Evans, M. A., Fox, M., Cremaso, L., & McKinnon, L. (2004). Beginning reading: The views of parents and teachers of young children. Journal of Educational Psychology, 96(1), 130-141.

Henry, G. T., Mashburn, A. J., & Konold, T. (2007). Developing and evaluating a measure of young children's attitudes toward school and learning. Journal of Psychoeducational Assessment, 25(3), 271-284.

Kendrick, M., & McKay, R. (2004). Drawings as an alternative way of understanding young children's constructions of literacy. Journal of Early Childhood Literacy, 4(1), 109-128.

Logan, S., & Johnston, R. (2009). Gender differences in reading ability and attitudes: Examining where these differences lie. Journal of Research in Reading, 32(2), 199-214.

Lynch, J., Anderson, J., Anderson, A., & Shapiro, J. (2006). Parents' beliefs about young children's literacy development and parents' literacy behaviors. Reading Psychology, 27(1), 1-20.

Meisinger, E. B., Schwanenflugel, P. J., Bradley, B. A., & Stahl, S. A. (2004). Interaction quality during partner reading. Journal of Literacy Research, 36(2), 111-140.

Schumm, J. S., Moody, S. W., & Vaughn, S. (2000). Grouping for reading instruction: Does one size fit all? Journal of Learning Disabilities, 33(5), 477-488.

Stahl, S. A., & Heubach, K. M. (2005). Fluency-oriented reading instruction. Journal of Literacy Research, 37(1), 25-60.

Tisdale, K. (2001). Dissention and distress in a cognitive apprenticeship in reading. Reading Research and Instruction, 41(1), 51-82.

Wilson, K. M., & Trainin, G. (2007). First-grade students' motivation and achievement for reading, writing, and spelling. Reading Psychology, 28(3), 257-282.